This year marked my third Hell and Back.
I wasn’t going to ride again, because, well, it’s tough! But this was the 25th installment of the longest-running stage race in SA, in the Karoo (who doesn’t love the Karoo), with only 60k’s in and 60 out. How bad can it be? Besides, it wasn’t that bad last year, was it? I can’t remember any more…. Plus, I had just upgraded from 11 speed to 12 speed and swapped out my chainring with an oval. It’s therefore crucial the bike is tested, right? And what better place than the longest mountain pass in South Africa? So, with a valid excuse in my pocket, off I went.
Day 1 starts at De Hoek, after a brief stint on the tar road, you turn right and snake through the Cango Valley farms to the main road at the base of Swartberg Pass where the fun really starts! But we all know it’s going to be a test of climbing endurance, so you shift into granny gear and grind away, keeping your head stubbornly down and focusing on the road ahead. Every now and then you look up and see the rut infested rocky road snaking around the next corner, the already steep gradient increasing mercilessly! And you start wondering (not for the last time that day), “what on earth possessed me to do this….again!“
Eventually, the mountain starts messing with your head, each grinding turn appears to summit only to transform into yet another grueling climb. Get used to it, this game continues for a good couple of kilometers before you finally top out, the mountain never gets tired playing! Sick sense of humor…
So, finally over the top, 3km of blissful downhill then turn left and you’re at the first water point, 10kms further you’re at Spur’s water point – another reason why I do the Hell. Their burgers are the best in the universe!
The journey meanders along some of the most beautiful surroundings in the world, with a few fantastically fast downhills splitting your face into a goofy grin. Everything is as it should be, you on your mountain bike, out there in the open, pitted against nature, tackling each climb and emerging the victor!
Until…. around the 50km mark, it all changes – prepare to have your heartbroken.
This is the last hurdle the mountain throws at you for the day – Heartbreak Hill. HILL nogal! A nasty little climb of 3.7 km. If the mountain had not smokkled with your brain earlier, don’t worry, it’s going to now! Convinced each turn ahead is absolutely the top of the mountain, you’re met with another scathing climb as far as the eye can see. It. Never. Stops.
Surely the next turn is the top. No.
How about now. Not yet.
And now? Uh uh….
” Ugh, what om earth possessed me to do this, again…”
To sap even more of your preciously limited energy some clever Toad-Stool placed taunting sign-boards along the route: “PUSHING PAST THIS POINT IS PROHIBITED”, “STANDING STILL DOESN’T GET YOU TO THE TOP”, “IS THIS THE TOP?”, “DON’T WALK, EVERYBODY CAN SEE YOU”. “YOU DID THIS TO YOURSELF”, “CRAMP MUCH”
Then finally: “TRUE TOP” which of course you don’t believe until you see the road sloping down and realize gleefully – this is the final descent. Get ready, for it’s one Hell-of-a-ride!
A 4km stretch of rocky dirt road, steep slopes, sharp switchbacks and a hair raising 500-meter drop into the valley. Elated you fly down Elandspad, just to hit the brakes at the first switchback flanked by a sheer drop. (When last did I change brake pads??) Oh well, too late for that now, just hang on and feel the rush! A few minutes later you’re starting to wonder why you never put more effort into weight training, especially the arms and shoulders.
Passing through the finish line, your name, time and position is proudly broadcast, somebody runs up to you with a beer. Dazed and relieved it’s over, the beer is honey and disappears quickly. Slowly you turn and stare up at the ridge you had just descended, 500 meters with an average gradient of 11%, peaking at around 18%.
And it dawns on you – tomorrow you must climb that just to get out…… Another beer suddenly feels like a very good idea……
The overnight stop in The Hell is fantastic! No electricity, cell reception, TV or even radio, but great atmosphere, loads of laughs and plenty of beer.
The ride out is a story for another day, but keep in mind, riding into the Hell, you climb 1 750m, going back you climb 1 900m – all of which is done in the first 40km, the last 20 km is straight downhill from the top of Swartberg into De Hoek. This year that descent was especially nerve-wracking because of the rain, turning dirt roads into a treacherous, slippery, sticky, muddy fun fest!
I’m definitely not doing it again. I think.
Doesn’t 2020 look like two wheels on a bicycle? Perhaps it’s a sign….
[ngg src=”galleries” ids=”15″ display=”basic_thumbnail” thumbnail_crop=”0″]
Leave a Reply